A Tail of Two Tuxies

Continuing the tradition of chaos and mayhem, the heirs to the Kingdom of Cujo will document their exploits and shennanigans. Follow them as they carry on in the spirit that we've all come to love...........and fear.

Thursday, October 12, 2017

Lenny's Turn

Today, I tinks maybe Lennys should writes the blog. He tinks dis is soooo easy, so I turns it over to hims to try. I no tells him what to writes, therefores, Squiggy is no to blames for leetle guy's writings.........jus sayin.

Halloooooo!
Yon grit big, piebald moose issa always agoin oon aboot how haird this bloggy is ta writes. I kinna say tha I sees the difficulties in scratchin down a buncha taughts as they pop inta yer noggin. 

Waily waily waily! "Oh noes! Issa so haird!", he always asayin'!

Now, I'm no sayin that coomin up wit a wee idea is no a walk in the heather, mind ye, but it kinna warrant all the scratchin-O'-the head and tappin-O'-the paws that he's always a doin.

Anyhoo, I dinna come ere to gabble on aboot the McSquiggins. What I reely wanna talk to ye aboot is dat grit big ol stinky gingercat called Ivan.  

Tis an amazement ta me that a mancat wit such bulk in his body can 'ave  such a lacking of matter between his earholes. Aye sure, ye might be athinkin dat a wee little kitten such a meself may have nay experience enoof ta be placing judgement on one aged such as he. Weel, lemme tell ye summat Jimmy, I knows enuff to tell ye dat when da grit God aboove wassa handin oot the gray matter, Ivan musta been asleepin under da couch (probably adreamin aboot chasin slow moosies and menacing socks).

Oh, Imma no sayin dat Ivan has nay any commendable qualities. There are a few benefits to livin wit him....

When ye need a door opened because the bigguns have locked ye oot once again, he makes a grit batterin ram dat no door can withstand. Ye only need to git him excited by atellin him dat they be ahidin food under dere pillows and then just stand ye back and watch the doors go aflyin.

If ye 'ave a need to hide evidence of a crime ye may or may 'ave no committed, simply squirrel awae da evidence in da folds O' flab that span the area between his forelegs. Ye could hide an entire haggis in there, but ye wouldna want to because he'd probably eat it in his sleep.

He also makes a good "goat-O'-scapin" when ye find yourself in the needin of one. 

****Squiggy here, I am tinking dat Lennys is talkings about a "scapegoats".

Shaddup ye overgrown panda cat! Yon readers know wut I be gabblin aboot! Ye said dat dis wassa my poost to write, so waddle off and lemme get back to it!

Now, weer was I? Oh aye, I was talkin aboot Ivan makin a good goat-O'-scapin. Ye see, Ivan's face is always asportin a look of perpetual guilty confusion. So all ye need to do is ta make sure that Ivan is in the general vicinity of any shennannigans ye may be up to. Then when da bigguns ask who wassa breakin stuff, ye simply don yer innocent kitten face an mebbe give yer wee kitten haid a nod inna direction of da grit dunce. 

Boot, I kinna say dat I doan love the big lummox. He's verra soft and warm and if ye punch him up a few times, he makes a verra good bed.

So dats aboot alla got te say fer now. 

See? Dis bloggity ting isna so hard.

Thursday, August 3, 2017

Foods For Thoughts

Befores I begin talkings about da foods, I should tells you someting abouts da Lenny.

Lenny has been learning to talks better. 

He has also decided dat he is Scottish.

Lemme splain dis to you........

Lenny has been watching a lot of da TVs lately. He discovered dat Scottish pibbles likes kilts. So Lenny tinks to himselfs: "I likes kilts too. I kilt da curtains. I kilt da moosies. I kilt da she-pibble's choos. I kilt alla stuffs. I even kilt da dangly bits on da chandumleer. I mus be da Scottish cat".

So nows, Lenny is goings around talking likes da Scottish pibbles. Is annoying, but also is amusings.

Och, aye ye grit bawfaced, bi-coolered gaberlunzie! Lemme 'ave a go at yon bloggy!   

Not right now Lenny, Squiggy still talking. You go play now. Let Squiggy finish dis. Mebbe you talks later.

So todays Squiggy gonna talks about da foods. My prede....prayde........preadacess.......da cat (Cujo) who lived here befores me, always was scratchin on his blog dat there was no varieties of da foods. He said dat pibbles get lotsa varieties in their foods, but nod da kitties. He sayin alla time dat it was not fairs.

I does not find dis to be da case. You sees, when Squiggy first  got heres, there was two foods: "Hill's Science Diet Hairball Control Light" for da tabbies, and "Hill's Science Diet Kitten Formula" for da Squiggs (dat's me). But da pibbles thinked to demselves: "Tabbies, dey gettin olders. Mebbe dey needs sumpting more suited to their ages". So dey goes out and gets "Hill's Science Diet Senor Formula". (I tink is Mexican-flavored). 

Ivan likes new foods. Tiger Lily likes new foods. I likes new foods. But, Jaq no likes new foods. 

Now we has three foods. I no like kitten foods anymores. So we have full bag of kitten foods dat I won't eats, We have full bag of hairball foods dat pibbles won't serve, and we have full bag of Senor foods dat Jaq won't eats.

Dis is problem for pibbles. They say I should eats kitten foods so I grow up to be big mancat. But I wanna eats da Senor foods. Ivan wanna eat da kitten foods, but shouldn't because he already big mancat and they don't want him gettin bigger. Tiger Lily okay because she really likes new foods. Jaq don't likes any of da foods.

So pibbles go back to store. They buy new wet foods for Jaq. They buy "Hill's Science Diet Juvenile Formula" for Squiggs (dat's me). They buy Hill's Science Diet Senor Light Formula for Ivan and Tiger Lily.

Jaq likes her new foods. Ivan and Tiger Lily likes their new foods. I like Ivan and Tiger Lily's new foods. 

I no like my new foods. Ivan likes my new foods.

Now, I tink we have seven foods.

Everyting seems settled nows.

Uh-oh!! We gets new kitten!

They buy new kitten foods for Lenny.
I like Lenny's foods.
Ivan likes Lenny's foods.
Tiger Lily likes Lenny's foods.
Jaq likes Lenny's foods.
Lenny NO likes Lenny's foods.

Pibbles are no happy.  

Noboody taught ta ask me, did ya, ye heartless bastids??

Hush Lenny,  Squiggy still talking.

So pibbles go back to store. They buys "Hill's Science Diet Senor Indoor Formula", "Hill's Science Diet Early Development Formula", "Hill's Science Diet Adult Maintenance Formula", and "Hill's Science Diet Middle-Aged Health Formula".

My foods closet is starting to looks like PetCo.

I would tell you nows who likes what foods, but I have lost tracks. I do not tink dat the pibbles even know what foods they are giving us anymore. They just puts some of each kinds out and we eats out of whatever bowls we likes.

The pibbles tink they knows what we are eatings, but I have my doubts.  

If only they could find some "Hill's Science Diet Picky Nutso Multi-Cat Formula".

Sunday, July 23, 2017

Lenny Lenny Lenny!

 *******Scribe's Note:
         It has been brought to my attention that owing to his very thick Mexi-Spani-Russo-Celti-Anglo-Inuit accent, Squiggy's writings can be difficult to understand. Moving forward, I will attempt to modify and translate his words without altering the basic content or syntax. That being said, some of his words and terms still flummox me and will be included in their original form/spelling. I apologize in advance for any misunderstandings and wish you luck.
                                       D.D.

First of alls, I am vurry honored that so many pibbles have taken the times to red mah first poost. I supposes mebbe I chould scratch some mores wordses.

Todays I tink I chould tells you more abouts my leetle frend Lenny.

Lenny is, how you say? Ummmm.......crazy, insanes, loco, looney toons, squirrelly, psycho-nut, not right in his heads, certifiablys freaky and probably unstable. He es not only self-destructive, he es everyting else destructive.

If Lenny was a sammitch, he would be a peabut-nutter and nut sammitch served on a bed of nuts with two sides of nuts and a bowl of nuts for desserts (best paired with a fine nut wine). 

He tinks that dere are two types of tings on earths: Tings that are dead, and tings that needs killing.  

The she-pibble tinks that he is a alien.

There may be some truths in her theery. On the day that the leetle goof arrived, it was a dark and stormy nights. Suddenly in the darks, there appeared a very large, black space-um chip. I tink it came from the planet "Ford" and was obviously a chip of exploration because it saids "Expedition" on da side. A pibble I had never met before opened da back and pulled out a carrier ting dat had da Lenny inside it. She put the carrier ting inside my door and den ran back to her chip, yelling over her choulder "HE'S ALL YOURS NOW, AND MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON YOUR SOLES!!".

I do not knows why God chould protect our feets, but mebbe it was an alien blessings.

When my pibbles opened the carrier ting, a little bitties bi-colored machine (pronounced ma-cheen) of destruction popped outs and attacked a bed poost. It has not stopped attacking tings since.

My pibbles call him a "rescue cat". All the cats in my house is "rescue cats", but in Lenny's case, I tink  it was the shelter that was "rescued" when they adopted hims.

Lenny has no fears. It no matters how bigs someting is, Lenny will attempts to kills it. Most cats try to kills small tings likes spideys, moosies, stringses and such. Lenny, he kills choos, boxes, sofas and large appliances.

Even as I writings this, he is chewing on the vacuum cleaners.

Mebbe the pibbles will come in soon and turn it offs.

Thursday, July 20, 2017

Welcome to Dis Blogs

Hallo

Mah name es Squiggajandro Alvaraez Montoya Phillipe Eduardo Jose MacDonald Rodriguez Dominguez Dunn.

But mah pibbles call me Squiggy.

Mah pibbles sayed that me and me leetle brahther shood start telling udder pibbles our taughts and stuffs. I dunno why, but I weel do as dey ask.......for now.

First of alls, pleez say hallo to me leetle frend. His name es Lenny, but everybodies calls him Lenny.

Say hallo Lenny.

KILL KILL KILL!!!!!!!

Lenny es still youngun, so he doan say much yets.

KILL KILL KILL!!!!!!

Shush Lenny, Squiggy speeking nows.

Most of you knows mah pibbles from the scratchings of da mancat Cujo, who livid here befores me. Dey seem pretty well traint and mostly harmless. 

Doug es lowest ranking pibble. He has much fur on lip and es often chasing me and Lenny through casa picking up stuffs we breaks. He none too bright. I give him to Lenny.

Kathy es top pibble. She has soft laps and tinks we should not climbs curtains, chairs and legs. She needs more triainings. I keep her for mahselfs.

Ivan es big, estupido orange mancat. He es like a rock, but without the deep thoughts rock has. I likes him, he make good bouncy pad.

Jaq es blonde wierdo cat. She es smarts, but hides it well. She always hiding in boxes, making schemes. I no trusts her. Someday, I makes Lenny smack her.
  
KILL KILL KILL!!!!!

Not yet Lenny, you still too leetle.

Also, dere is Tiger Lily. She verrry noying. She puts mah teeths on edges. She has more whine than Napa Valley. She hides on the she-pibble's head a lot and sends nasty noises at me.

So dis is whats I deals with. 

Since dis is mah first poost, I will keep it shorts. I will writes when I feels like it. Lenny will also be helping me when I can pulls him off da drapes. 

Lenny's Turn

Today, I tinks maybe Lennys should writes the blog. He tinks dis is soooo easy, so I turns it over to hims to try. I no tells him what to w...